Rage – (definition) – noun – violent, uncontrollable anger
“Her face was distorted with rage.”
Verb – feel or express violent or uncontrollable anger
“He raged at the futility of it all.”
Perfect! Demonstration! of the patriarchal suppression of women. Perfectly seen here that the woman who expresses rage is crazy, and the man that expresses rage is noble, understandable, justified.
This is Google, verbatim.
And so, my Beloved Santosha Ma suggested I could write a piece about rage, and why it is necessary for a woman to feel and express her rage on the spiritual path.
Through rage comes humility
then taking responsibility for your life, your choices, how it went
the creation of your own suffering
I am even surprised to write it this way, but I see it is true.
Women are so profoundly suppressed in the patriarchy culture that we believe this is how life IS, must be, just what exists. We cannot imagine that there is a totally different and free way to live and love here, because we are taught that feeling and expressing anger is NOT okay for us. It makes us crazy, or as Google puts it, ‘distorted’.
I recall coming to Santosha Ma almost 30 years ago now, and reading her book Woman Warrior and the Art of Seeing, (highly recommended!). She wrote that a woman who expresses anger in any form – being mad, disappointed, frustrated, demanding better treatment – however it comes out, is called ‘crazy, selfish and stupid.’ When I first read that I felt, ‘Really? Is that maybe an exaggeration?’
As years passed, and my Divinely patient Guru showed me, piece by piece, the extent of the suppression of women in the world altogether, I realized it is an understatement. At the time, when Santosha Ma was doing this work with us, women were beginning to stir. The Women’s Liberation movement met with deep resistance from men AND women in this culture. Being a ‘feminist’ was a dirty word, an accusation, the way women’s body parts are used as terms of vile insult – we know the terms.
Piece by piece, patiently so I could endure it, my Guru took me through the maze and smokescreen of the patriarchy. Endlessly creative in her methods, for a couple of weeks we did what she called the Media Experiment. We studied all kinds of music, TV and magazines. I naively listened to many songs I knew and had enjoyed, from many eras and every style, and heard endless songs debasing women, full of hatred and blame, being reduced to sexual objects. I had sung these lyrics many times, and never registered what was being said! TV and magazines were so full of the use of women’s body parts to sell merchandise, it could not be reasoned away. This whole media experiment, this discovery and realization, shocked me deeply. It was not hidden at all! It was so prevalent and suppressive that women accepted it as normal, as…what?! As who we are? As what we deserve? That belief was beginning to seem like an insanity to me.
And so yes, I began to feel a rage underneath that nice person I always thought I truly was. And once this veil starts to lift, it cannot simply be put back.
My dearest Awakened One, Santosha Ma, is a Master of awesome compassion, understanding and literal genius. She lifted the veil and held my hand in deep heart support and clarity, and helped me allow myself to feel my rage, the natural rage that exists when a grave injustice has been, and is being done on ½ the population of the planet. Rage is the natural response to realizing the history, the extent of the abuse of women here, in every gross manner imaginable. I do not exaggerate, nor did Santosha Ma. It is understated.
I have discovered that this rage is a useful and natural response to what is untrue, unjust, cruel and abusive. It strengthened me, opened my capacity to see the reality of the results of the patriarchy, to know certainly that it is NOT the way to live, it is NOT reality, it is NOT TRUE. It is based on lies, outright. And so, a new strength of heart and capacity to be willing to see what was real was made possible by first being willing and able to feel rage – and this only by the Grace of Santosha Ma’s LOVE! What a mystery!
Because, dearest hearts, once I was free to feel that rage, strong enough to endure all it revealed, the brilliant Healer of all hearts began to show me, piece by piece, how I had chosen to participate in all of it.
Now that I knew what egos are capable of, I became able, by Her endless love, patience and clarity, to see it in myself. My eyes and heart had been opened, and could not simply be closed! I saw I was and am the one responsible for everything in my life. I freely participated, chose situations, chose to stay in them, chose to respond however I did. I am responsible! I own it. This is the learning of humility, and this is freedom.
Quite the opposite of the immature fear of being held responsible for something that went wrong, I discovered that to own it, 100%, is the utter freedom to choose, in the next moment, what I want to do. I am free from all karmic connection to others that comes with blaming someone else for anything in my life. Free of it, literally. It is a profundity. It is done in the Company of the Profound One who is free of everything, and yet is Love Itself, unflinchingly walking through an insane dream with me, by my side, showing me, ‘See this? See this?’ until yes, I see it, my Guru.
Rage is the beginning of clarity and strength. Strength to endure the uncovering of the patriarchy, as a woman. And with my Guru, strength to love in the face of it, to love and trust Her. Strength to then endure seeing my own choices and actions, and take responsibility for all of it.
Rage is necessary for women on the spiritual path. It is the beginning. It leads, step by step, by Divine Grace and Love, to humility. Humility is freedom! The heart is free to feel its true desire, the truth of the heart, male and female. The strength and freedom to see reality, and by Grace, to see and feel Reality, is a process of the Guru’s Love, and it is the reason for my life – to love and serve that most Gracious One in any way I can, always.
